Lygrens amatørfilm - "konsepttråd" - Side 2

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  1. #21
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    Da har jeg tatt første "class" i kamerateknikk, og opprettet egen tråd rundt dette her: http://avforum.no/forum/av-opptak-te...matorfilm.html.

  2. #22
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    Oppdatert Treatment, fjernet en del av det en ikke kan "se", lagt til litt "action" og generelt oppdatert planen. Er fremdeles mye jobb igjen, men da ser en litt av prosessen...

    Screenplay Treatment “The Find – a prequel”

    RICHARD is driving by his fathers’ house. As he enters, Richard hears someone running for the back door. The place is a mess. The TV is on, seemingly having being used just recently. He walks over to the DVD-player and pushes Play, and his father appears on the screen. His father appears more like a mad scientist than an adventurer;
    I really did not want to drag you into this, son, I know you are busy with your kids and all. As you are aware, I am still looking for that artifact. As I am not home by now, I am probably lost somewhere. As strong forces are in movement for finding this artifact, I am not able to reveal more than two clues I know only you will understand; Do you remember my dear old friend from my University-days? He is the one you must visit to move forward. However, first you must visit the big tree you used to play around when you were a kid, close by you will find something I have left there for you that you need to bring to my friend. Love you, son.
    While leaving the car and walking down to the tree, Richard calls his wife. He tells her about the mission his father seems to be on, and that he might have gotten himself into trouble. He has no choice but to try to help him, although he believes his father might have gone mad. He also tells her he needs to go see his fathers’ old University-professor of Archeology after he has visited the tree, located by the Dubois Pioneer-home. Richard starts searching around the old oak, but finds nothing of interest. As he is about to leave, he takes a final glimpse backwards as a reflecting light coming from the tree suddenly blends him. He walks back to the old tree and finds a dagger. Richard has to use some effort, but is able to pull the dagger up with both his hands in an “Excalibur” fashion. Richard studies the dagger and finds an inscribed text on the blade he is reading out loud; “In our Holy Journey, our next stop is Cibola. February 1 – 1399. H.S.”. I need to ask Professor Solomon what this all means. (As Richard leaves, a black car starts its engines and follows him.)
    Richard drives to see Solomon. He is retired now, living in a retirement-home.
    I was expecting you, Richard, Solomon said when opening the door to his room. I recently received a package from your father, containing his notebook. My address was just scrambled down, it seems your father was in a great hurry shipping the package.
    His notebook, why would he send it to you? Richard replies. I am sure he wanted to make sure it did not fall into the wrong hands, Solomon says.

    Mr. Solomon is walking over to a bookshelf, pulling out the notebook hidden behind a couple of books. He gives the notebook to Richard.
    Richard uncovers the dagger that he has brought with him in. The sight astounds Solomon, although he seems to identify the dagger instantly; your father actually found the second marker of the Sinclair-journey! He found the first marker in Nova Scotia, Canada, some 15 years ago, this one I believe he has actually found around these parts. Ah, you see, the Red Cross is the sign of the Templars. The inscribed text indicates the next stop on Sinclairs journey, and also probably where your father went next; Cibola.
    Cibola, Richard replies, like the lost city in that Indiana Jones-movie? I thought that was just fiction?
    Henry Sinclair was the Earl of the Orkney Islands, and also a Knight Templar, believed to have transported vital parts of the Templar treasures from Scotland to America using old pre-Columbian Viking routes. No wonder Coronado and the other Spanish conquistadores did not find any seven cities of Gold if Sinclair and his men had been there a hundred year previous! A place to start looking for the next marker may be the actual town or Cibola, named after the legendary lost city, located in present New Mexico.

    Mr. Solomon takes a zip of tea. While reaching for the cup, Richard observes that Mr. Solomon wears an ordination-ring (that of the Freemasonry-organization). Solomon becomes instantly pale. Poison, he yells out vigorously, after all these years they finally caught up with me! Richard is about to run out in the corridor yelling for help, but Solomon grabs his arm. It is too late for me, Richard, please listen to me carefully. Solomon makes his best effort uttering his final words; your father is looking for the actual Holy Grail, which he believes is a crystal. Solomon grabs the notebook from Richard and quickly points out a picture of the crystal. When you were 12 years old, you mumbled in your sleep a revelation your father has followed ever since. You told your father to find this crystal, build a machine using that very crystal in its core, and have it ready within the return of God in 2014. Solomon points out a drawing of the machine in the notebook. The machine is supposed to grant any human entering eternal life! You did not, unfortunately, provide your father with the exact location of the stone, and he has been looking for it ever since. Go now, Richard, they may be coming for you too! Solomon dies. Richard closes his eyes.
    The movie ends with Richard getting into his car, and as he is about to press the "HOME"-button on his GPS, he chooses to plot in “Cibola, New Mexico” instead on this GPS and drives off. After he drives off, the camera turns towards a black car nearby starting its engine following Richard. Film ends.

  3. #23
    Intermediate AVFredrik sin avatar
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    Likte spesielt siste del hvor den svarte bilen starter motoren og følger etter. Det bygger spenning!

  4. #24
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    Ja, den sorte bilen er et forsøk på å legge til en såkalt "foreshadowing"-hendelse som bygger spenning til tross for at den ikke gir noe reelt utslag i form av handling i denne kortfilmen.

    Nå er det samtidig viktig å ikke introdusere alt for mange virkemidler i en såpass kort film (12-14min.), så her er det en balansegang. Samtidig, ettersom kortfilmen skal fungere som en intro/teaser til en tiltenkt langfilm (eller to?) i en eller annen fremtid, må den også bygge opp et ønske om å ønske å se mer.

    I smørbrødlisten ligger for øvrig "Make the story consistently credible within the story´s context"... Her kan nok "sverdet i stenen" muligens bli litt snodig, må tenke meg nøye om hvordan den sekvensen skal presenteres og filmes...

    Jeg må nok finpusse enda en hel del, dialogen er pr. dato for lang, men kan heller ikke bli så kort at "storyen", som for øvrig er basert på relle historiske sagn og teorier jeg har hatt stor personlig interesse for over mange år, ikke fremstår som troverdig.

  5. #25
    Intermediate ARTY sin avatar
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    Grunn historien som du her legger opp til er spennende selv om alt annet er en "blåkopi" av alle andre "adventure historier".
    Nå er ikke jeg noen spesiell tilhenger av at filmskapere som lager sin første produksjon skal være så veldig original. Jeg har alltid ment at man skal lære håndverket først, noe som før i tiden var grunnpilaren i kunst utdannelese hvor elever måtte kopiere mestere i mange år før de fikk gjøre sitt eget.
    Det er her, spesielt europeiske, regi debutanter ofte feiler grovt fordi de skal prøve å være så originale.

    Jeg "klør i fingrene" etter å komme med et par forslag til "tekniske" forandringer/løsninger som jeg tror kunne distansere filmen litt fra det klisje messige uten å gripe inn historien du vil fortelle. (har forsåvidt også et forslag som vil plassere det historiske grunnlaget 1000 år lengre tilbake i historien, mer forankret i Viking historie, men det er ikke så viktig umiddelbart)

    Men jeg er litt usikker på hvor mye "hjelp" du ønsker, eller forslag?
    Det er tross alt veldig tilfredsstillende å ende opp med en ferdig film som var helt og fullt din egen idé og ikke et sammendrag av idéer fra mange andre.
    (ikke at du vil ha den "luksusen" hvis du arbeidet i Hollywood )
    The One Hundred Million Dollar Mistake Screenwriting Column 47 by Terry Rossio

    Litt OT; siden du ser ut til å være interessert i gamle sagn og "myter".
    Vet du at begravet i mytologiske historier og religion er en sann, med gode konkrete skrevene kilder, "science fiction" historie som kulminerte for ca. 2500 år siden og spenner over 45000 år av jordens historie (noen påstår tidsaspektet er 400.000 år) som langt overgår "Star Wars"?
    Dette er en historie som Hollywood enda ikke har oppdaget.

    Det er også en godt historisk grunnlagt forklaring på "the philosophers stone", hva det egentlig dreiet seg om.
    Du vet, alkemistenes forsøk på å lage gull utav "gråstein". Som faktisk ikke var det de prøvde på. De prøvde, og lykkes å skape noe mye mer spennende ut av Gull. En kunnskap som ble tapt på 1800 tallet. Dette er heller ikke en historie Hollywood har "oppdaget" enda.

    Tenkte bare jeg skulle nevne det. :wink:

  6. #26
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    ARTY, er BARE å komme med innspill, det er jo derfor tråden er opprettet!

    Når det gjelder historiens forløp speiler den egentlig vikinghistorie på et vis, da ruten Henry Sinclair seilte i sin tid mest sannsynlig var hentet fra nettopp gamle vikingkart. Sinclair-familien var faktisk av delvis norsk vikingætt!

    Historien er tuftet på relle sagn og myter, men selvsagt ingen historisk fortelling. Inspirasjon er hentet fra både egne interesser, Indiana Jones og ikke minst DaVinci-koden. Henry Sinclair er jo bestefaren til William Sinclair som bygde den mye omtalte "Rosslyn Chapel". Hovedpoenget er imidlertid at historien HAR historisk relevans; både Henry Sinclair, Tempelriddernes forsvunne skatt, Cibola og den Hellige Gral er reelle historier og sagn. Det med maskinen som skal bygges og Guds "Return" er mer noe jeg har tenkt ut dog, men utgangspunktet er jo gjerne også det et relativt kjent historisk verk...

    Jeg har jo for øvrig en langt større historie "i hodet", som vil bestå av tre kapitler slik jeg ser det for meg; "The Delivery", "The Find" og "The Return".

    Det første kapitlet vil handle om Henry Sinclairs reise over atlanteren, og altså befinner seg på 13-tallet, det neste er altså den jeg lager en intro til nå, som befinner seg i nåtid, og "The Return" blir et apokalyptisk endekapittel som tar utgangspunkt i alt fra bibelhistorie til sagn og myter omtalt i foregående kapitler. Disse tre "Kapitlene" egner seg nok som egne filmer hver seg, der gjerne "The Find" kan vises først, dernest "The Delivery" og til slutt "The Return".

    Poenget er jo i alle tilfelle å få rammet inn et "univers" slik jeg ser for meg dette, og om dette "universet" ikke samsvarer med virkeligheten sånn 100% har det lite å si. Poenget er å gjøre dette universet sannsynlig. Star Wars er jo et godt eksempel på hvor godt det KAN la seg gjøre å lage et univers langt uti det blå som faktisk makes sense. Star Wars ble faktisk beskrevet som en "Wild Western" i en annen galakse, og tenker en seg litt om minner det jo faktisk om det (gitt en annen galakse selvsagt)...

    Nå er uansett overstående kun ideer og tanker rundt emnet, men jeg synes generelt norsk film er GØRR kjedelig, null innovativt og skikkelig innbokset, så en film på norsk i overstående "univers" og handlingsrom hadde jo vært utrolig fett da. Problemet er selvsagt at det ikke finnes investorer for denne type prosjekter i Norge, så jeg får begynne å spare!

  7. #27
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    Da har jeg vært på et par nye "classes"... Jeg tror nok jeg må sprite opp historien min litt gitt. At "Richard" flyr rundt alene mesteparten av filmen kan gjerne være et issue, mulig jeg må introdusere en kvinnelig "counterpart" for å gjøre det hele litt mer seervennlig.

    Den siste gjennomgangen vi hadde var for øvrig på selve castingen. Er selvsagt veldig mye å tenke på når en skal rekruttere "talent" som det så fint betegnes her borte. Enormt fokus på å ikke fremstå "teatralsk", der både Herb Sennet (screenwriter-læreren) og Bob Carter (Casting / skuespiller-læreren) understreker. Begge jobber innenfor teater også, så det er ikke forakten for teateret som driver dette fokuset, men rett og slett det faktum at teateropptredener IKKE funker på film! Kunne ikke si meg mer enig, her har virkelig norske skuespillere VELDIG mye å lære.......

    Selve castingen funker egentlig ganske enkelt. Et kamera står og filmer samtlige, som hver seg fremfører en "side" (=side i manus), relatert til en gitt rolle. Her velges gjerne en vanskelig del av scriptet, f.eks. et sted der skuespilleren må vise følelser...

    Vi fikk også se en kortfilm der Bob Carter hadde spilt, og fyren er fantastisk god. Minner litt om Clint Eastwood, hehe...

    Oppgaven til neste mandag, da vi igjen skal se på scriptwriting, er å skrive en biografi på de viktigste personene i filmen. En veldig grei rutine egentlig, for ved å skrive "livshistorien" til hovedpersonene blir det egentlig lettere å skrive om hovedhistorien da en har litt mer "kjøtt" å forholde seg til.

    Dette er i alle tilfelle en utrolig krevende prosess, nå må jeg i tenkeboksen for å "krydre" historien litt, samt gi de stakkars skuespillerne noe å faktisk spille (og da selvsagt aller helst mot en motspiller)...

  8. #28
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    Da er tredje revisjon nesten klar, denne gangen også med noen tanker om "feature"-filmen som såden (nederst)...

    Screenplay Treatment “The Find – a prequel”

    RICHARD and SUSAN ANDREWS is visiting Richards´ parents´ vacation-home in Jupiter, Florida. As they enter, leaving their suitcases by the front door, they hear someone running for the back door. The place is a mess, although items such as the TV and an iPad have not been stolen. The TV is on, seemingly having being used just recently. After looking around, Richard walks over to the DVD-player and pushes Play, and Richards father, JEREMY ANDREWS appears on the screen. His father appears more like a mad scientist than an adventurer;
    I really did not want to drag you into this, son, I know you are busy with your kids and all. As you are aware, I am still looking for that artifact. As I am not home by now, I am probably lost somewhere. As strong forces are in movement for finding this artifact, I am not able to reveal more than two clues I know only you will understand; Do you remember my dear old friend from my University-days? He is the one you must visit to move forward. However, first you must visit the big tree you used to play around when you were a kid, you left yourself a clue there once. Love you, son.

    While leaving the car and walking down to the tree, located by the old Dubois Pioneer home at the coast, Andrea calls Richards mom, Susan. She tells her about the message and that they will try his best locating him. Richard starts searching around the old oak, but finds nothing of interest. His wife helps him climb up the tree, but still is not able to spot anything. As they are about to leave, Richard takes a final glimpse backwards the tree as he remembers he used to hide within the tree, scribbling inside with his pocketknife. He looks down into the hollow section of the tree and takes a photo of the scribbling using his iPhone.

    As Richard and Andrea leaves, a black car starts its engines and follows them.

    Richard and Andrea drive to see Solomon Goldenheim. He is retired now, living in a retirement-home in Florida.

    I was expecting you, Richard, Solomon said when opening the door to his room. I recently received a package from your father, his notebook. My address was just scrambled down, it seems your father was in a great hurry shipping the package.
    His notebook, why would he send it to you? Richard replies. I am sure he wanted to make sure it did not fall into the wrong hands, Solomon says.

    Solomon is walking over to a bookshelf, pulling out the notebook hidden behind a couple of books. He gives the notebook to Richard.
    You see, according to this notebook, your father actually found the second marker of the Sinclair-journey! He found the first marker in Nova Scotia, Canada, some 15 years ago, this one I believe he has actually found around these parts. Solomon is showing Richard a depiction of a sword. The Red Cross is the sign of the Templars. The inscribed text indicates the next stop on Sinclairs journey, and also probably where your father went next. However, the text depicting the actual place is missing, and I really have no idea what it could have stated.

    Please have a look at this picture. Richard shows the image of the scrabbling from the tree. My father asked me to find something of interest by that tree, and this is the only thing I was able to find. Solomon has a quick look at the iPhone-picture. Ah, I see. You knew even then. Richard replies; knew what?

    Henry Sinclair was the Earl of the Orkney Islands, and also a Knight Templar, believed to have transported vital parts of the Templar treasures from Scotland to America using old pre-Columbian Viking routes. No wonder Coronado and the other Spanish conquistadores did not find any seven cities of Gold if Sinclair and his men had been there a hundred year previous! Your scrabbling, beyond any doubt, is that of this city of Gold. A place to start looking for the next marker may be the actual town or Cibola, named after the legendary lost city, located in present New Mexico.

    Mr. Solomon takes a zip of tea. While reaching for the cup, Richard observes that Mr. Solomon wears an ordination-ring (that of the Freemasonry-organization). Solomon becomes instantly pale. Poison, he yells out vigorously, after all these years they finally caught up with me! Richard is about to run out in the corridor yelling for help, but Solomon grabs his arm. It is too late for me, Richard, please listen to me carefully. Solomon makes his best effort uttering his final words; your father is looking for the actual Holy Grail, which he believes is a crystal. Solomon grabs the notebook from Richard and quickly points out a picture of the crystal. When you were 12 years old, you mumbled in your sleep a revelation your father has followed ever since. You told your father to find this crystal, build a machine using that very crystal in its core, and have it ready within the return of God in 2014. Solomon points out a drawing of the machine in the notebook. The machine is supposed to grant any human entering eternal life! You did not, unfortunately, provide your father with the exact location of the stone, and he has been looking for it ever since. Go now, Richard, they may be coming for you too! Solomon dies. Richard closes his eyes.

    Richard, emotionally devastated and utterly surprised over both the death of Solomon and what he said as he died, utters to his wife; I actually remember saying those things to my father when I was a kid. I was not talking in my sleep, but fully aware of everything I said to him, a story tailored to fit my father’s passion for medicine, healing and the divine. It was merely an attempt to gain my fathers attention the best I knew how to, as he was always away on business. Although I was really surprised over my own imagination, I really had no intent of making my mumblings his life-quest and now also a cause of big problems. I have to find him at let him know this was all my imagination!
    The movie ends with Richard and Andrea getting into the car, and as he is about to press the "HOME"-button on his GPS, he looks at Andrea, nodding, altering the input to “Cibola, New Mexico” instead and drives off. After he drives off, the camera turns towards a black car nearby starting its engine following them. Film ends.

    Notes in regards to “full” manuscript

    This short film is featuring a section (the start) “The Find”. The 120-140 page manuscript is intended for a full feature-film at some point. This short-film is to be used to market the potential of the manuscript towards producers / investors. The full manuscript is not yet written.
    Although this is a short, and leaves a lot of questions unanswered, the film follows the regular setup of three acts;

    I The setup; Richar finding out his father is missing.
    II The Complication: Richard visiting Solomon after having found the clue by the tree.
    III The Resolution: Richard going to look for his father.

    In short, my current thoughts for the full-feature-film are;
    - The plot will continue to broaden. Richard, the protagonist, is certain his childhood ramblings were just that; ramblings to get his fathers attention. However, the story, will lead the audience to believe Jeremy actually is on to something as they follow the route of the templar-knight.
    - The route will take them to the almost deserted town of Cibola. In this town, they will find the next clue, but also meet some unexpected resistance.
    - The next stop will be Central America where they will finally be able to locate Jeremy. At this point, the point must turn. The audience MUST be surprised and not find that the expected. My initial thought, which I am not sure has a sufficient “twist” to it, is that the Grail actually exists and has been found by Jeremy. However, as the Grail is not possible to collect by anyone else than the “chosen”, Jeremy had to get Richard down there as he is that chosen “Grail Keeper”. Jeremy had tried to take the Grail, but has burned his hands and arms terribly by doing so.
    - As the plot thickens, the “other side” is trying to convince Richard to help them instead. The “dark side”, or the antagonist, may be represented by a beautiful woman causing tearing in Richards relationship to his wife.
    - Richard, after having been set on some great tests, chooses to follow the “good”-guys.
    - A twist may be that Richards father actually has been turned to the dark side, as the Grail easily corrupts mortal men, and as such actually turns to become the main antagonist.
    - Whether the film is to take the story all the way to the “end”, being the return of God or not must be considered. To create a surprise, the “return” as such, may be much less dramatic and “real” than people would anticipate. For example, it may consist of only a man, the Messiah, and he might not reveal himself until some point in the movie. The Messiah might be a kid (kind of like the Fifth Element), that needs protection by Richard.
    - The end may constitute a big fight between Richard and his father, ending with Richard having to kill his own dad, caught by the dark side. The father may in his final moments turn somewhat good again, realize the great mistakes of his actions trying to gain personal power over the greater good for human kind.
    - Finally, the machine, along with Richard and the “Messiah kid” is “picked up” by a beam of light (the typical extraterrestrial type of setting), whereas he has to say goodbye to his wife that needs to remain on earth to take care of their kids. This is relation to the revelations, where the heavens are to be built by the chosen prior to being brought back to earth a thousand years later.
    In general, the story should not be too “biblical” in its appearance, as it will certainly not follow the stories found in the Bible to any great extent. It should be a mix of historical, archeological themes, old non-religious stories and tales, “aliens” as well as some biblical terms and revelations.

  9. #29
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    ...og der var første revisjon av manuskriptet unnagjort. Foreløpig kun 6 sider, men her mangler jo mye beskrivelser og dialog, så jeg får det nok opp i 10-12 sider som gjerne holder for en kortfilm på 12-14 minutter.

    FIRST ACT

    Richard Andrews and his wife Andrea stops the car in front of Richard parents vacation-home in Jupiter. While Richard is carrying out the suitcases from the car, Susan enters the house.

    ANDREA ANDREWS
    Richard! Come see!
    Richard hurries over to Susan and enters the house. As he enters, he hears the back door shuts.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Dad! What´s going on?
    Susan returns from the kitchen.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    I don´t think your father has been here for a while, Richard. Fridge is empty.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    This is really odd, the burglars even left dad´s iPad untouched.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    TV is still on, seems like it has just been used?
    Richard finds the remote and presses PLAY. His father appears on the TV.
    JEREMY ANDREWS
    Hi son. Sorry to drag you into this. You know I have been looking for that artifact for some time now. Recently I had a breakthrough and had to leave in a hurry. Since I´m not back I guess I may have gotten myself into some trouble.
    Richard plays PAUSE.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    What in the world has that old man gotten himself into now?
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    Just listen to the video, Richard.
    Richard turns the video back on.
    JEREMY ANDREWS
    As I do not want anyone else to find it, I´m only able to leave you a couple of clues I know only you will understand. First, visit the old oak you used to play around. Try seeing yourself as a kid again. Then, visit my old archeological friend.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    This is just our luck. Finally we have some time for ourselves and this happens.
    SUSAN ANDREWS
    Richard, this is really not the time for thinking about us, your father may be in trouble!
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    I guess you´re right. I know where he wants me to go, that old oak is just down the road
    Richard and Andrea drives down to the Dubois Pioneer home.

    SECOND ACT

    THE CAMERA SHOOTS TELE SHOTS FROM SEVERAL ANGLES WHILE RICHARD AND HIS WIFE WALKS DOWN TO THE OAK.

    As Richard and Andrea arrives at the tree, Richard starts looking around to see if there is anything of interest there.

    RICHARD ANDREWS
    I am really not sure what my dad wanted me to find here. I used to climb this tree all the time, can you help me get up?
    Andre helps Richard up the tree.
    RICHARD ANDREWS (CONT’D)
    This is just stupid. Let´s go reporting this to the police instead. Just typical my dad.
    As they are about to leave, Richard turns his sight back one last time.
    RICHARD ANDREWS (CONT’D)
    Wait, I remember something now. I used to be able to hide within this tree and I remember some scribblings on the wall.
    Richard walks back again and looks down. He uses his iPhone to light up.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    Do you really think some scribblings inside a tree is able to help you find your father? We should go to the police right away.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Let me just get a picture of this, as soon as we have gone to visit Solomon Goldenheim, which is the friend he is referring to, we´ll report everything.
    As Richard and Andrea leaves the place, a black car with darkened windows starts its engine and follows them.

    THIRD ACT

    Richard pulls the car up to a seniors home. Solomon is a elderly man, 75-80 years old, but still looking very sharp and clear.

    ANDREA ANDREWS
    I´ll just wait in the car, don´t take too long.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    OK, I´ll try to be quick.
    Richard knocks on Solomos door.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Richard, haven´t seen you since you were a kid! I was expecting you come by.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    You were? How come?
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    I received your fathers notebook the other day. He seems to have posted it in a hurry from somewhere in Mexico, but the stamp was too faint to see anything more specific.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Mexico - what in the world? We were just by my parents house, and someone had broken into the house. He left me a message to go find you.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Please sit down, Richard. I will try to help as much as I am able to.
    Richard and Solomon sits down, Solomon brings a pot of tea and two cups.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM (CONT’D)
    Care for some tea?
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    No, I´m fine.
    Solomon pours the tea in his own cup. Richard directs his attention to a special gold-ring on Solomons finger when he pours the tea.
    RICHARD ANDREWS (CONT’D)
    That ring seems a bit special.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Yes, is my ordination-ring for my Freemasonry. My family has been members for generations.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Now, any idea of where my father may be?
    Solomon walks over to a bookshelf. He removes some of the books and pulls out the notebook.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Besides the stamp, the notebook has some very interesting content.
    Solomon opens the notebook and points out a depiction of a shield with a text within.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM (CONT’D)
    This was the first marker, your father found it in Nova Scotia 20 years ago.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    He has been searching for this more than 20 years?
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    However, what is more interesting is the next page. He seems to has finally found the second marker as well.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    I think I have just seen this marker by the old oak at Dubois, here take a look!
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Your father was always a fox. He left out the text in his notebook, but you seem to have caught it. Can you read it out loud for me?
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    I believe it states something like “I H.S. Left this second marker on the 10. Of October 1399. Next is Cibola.”
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    This is unbelievable. Nobody thoght Henry Sinclair would go this far down the coast.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Who is Henry Sinclair?
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    He was an adventurer and Templar Knight, believed to have transported the Templar treasures over the Atlantic following old Viking routes.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    And my father is looking for that treasure?
    Solomon takes a zip from his tea-cup. He turns instantly pale.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Poison! Finally they caught up with me!
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    What! I will go get help!
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    No Richard, it´s too late. You need to listen!
    Solomon struggles to utter his final words, Richard moves in close to hear better.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM (CONT’D)
    Your father is actually looking for the Holy Grail which he believes is a ancient, divine crystal that can be used to give people eternal life!
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    But where should I go look for him next?
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Sinclair was actually heading for the mythical golden city of Cibola. I suggest you go to the actual city of Cibola, located in present New Mexico, perhaps you can find something there.
    Solomon draws his final breath.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM (CONT’D)
    Go now, they might be coming for you next!
    Solomon dies and Richard closes his eyes. He leaves the room and walks out to his wife who is coming out from the car.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    What happened? You seem devastated!
    Richard hugs Andrea for some comfort.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Solomon died. He was poisoned!
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    What! We need to contact the police at once.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    I agree. However, he seems to be lost in Mexico somewhere, not much the police can do then.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    But what do we do then?
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Solomon suggested to go look for the next clue in Cibola, a small deserted town in New Mexico.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    I guess our vacation is done for anyway. Let´s go.
    As Richard and Andrea gets into the car and drive off, the same black car starts it´s enginges and follows them.

  10. #30
    Moderator BEF sin avatar
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    Jeg er meget imponert over ditt engasjement og pågangsmot med dette prosjektet. Har fulgt tråden fra den spede start og man begynner jo bare mere å mere å visualisere dine tanker, så det skal bli ekstremt moro og kunne få se det ferdige produkt en gang i framtiden!

  11. #31
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    Takker BEF. Er selv spent på hva det blir ut av dette, men i all hovedsak synes jeg det er veldig morsomt å lære filmproduksjon fra A til Å... Manuskriptet er jo for øvrig egentlig formater helt forskjellig fra posten her på forumet, bruker Final Draft som formaterer det hele til "Hollywood"-format...

  12. #32
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    Ser bra ut så langt.

    Har du noen tittel enda?

    Det var veldig vanskelig å lese scriptet i den form som det blir formatert i forumet. Jeg satt det inn i Celtex (copy/past) og det formaterte seg nesten riktig umiddelbart, unntagen at Actions la seg sammen med dialog, som var lett å rette opp.

    Formaterte det til TypeSet/PDF automatisk (la til og med (CONTINUED) ved slutten av vær side automatisk) for å se om det kunne lastes opp her som PDF for lettere lesning. Du har sikker den funksjonen i Final Draft.

    La også til en dialog og to Actions, i Italics så du lettere kan finne dem, pluss Scene Headings (EXT./INT. osv.)
    Prøvde å lage revisons teksten i farger, kan kanskje få til det hvis jeg prøver litt mer.

    Hvis du misliker det så sletter du det. Jeg gjorde det mest for å teste funksjonen nå når du kanskje skal dele videre revisjoner og utvikling av manuset som vi kan kommentere på.

    http://avforum.no/forum/attachment.p...1&d=1301883304

    Nå kan du egentlig la manuset være som det er. Det som er vanskelig er jo å "frame every scene" og sette dem sammen så det blir interessant.

    Siden du har bare 8 sider fullt utskrevet i manus format så kan du jo legge til litt "tekniske løsninger" uten å forandre formatet du har.

    Mine forslag;
    Gjøre avleveringen av beskjeden fra Richard's far med en litt annen teknisk løsning som gjør det mer spennende enn bare å få den levert fra n TV.
    Har et forslag, men jeg mangler en slags regle forbundet til Richards barndoms drøm som inneholder et passord til en PC hvor han finner farens video beskjed. Håper å komme med noe mer konkret i morgen/i dag.

    I Eike-treet; Likte egentlig dine første utkast best hvor Richard fant en dolk/skjold.
    Kanskje han kan finne noe spesielt, f.eks. en "sun-stone" av den typen Vikingene brukte til å navigere til sjøs?
    Han oppdaget den først nå pga. lyset akkurat der og da. (natural crystals capable of polarizing skylight - The mineral cordierite occurring in Norway has the local name "Viking's Compass.") Longship - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Tross alt så reiste jo Henry Sinclair "along the old viking routes to America" i din Background Story.
    Det kan også spinnes en større historie rundt Sinclair klanen og forbindelsene til Vikingene og Norge.

    I manuset her så får Richard ikke anledning til å vise Solomon steinen fordi han dør for raskt.

    Det vil bli en bedre film med litt mer mysterium involvert uten at det går utover lengden, formatet og vanskelighets graden å få til.

  13. #33
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    Mange fine innspill her, men selve vedlegget fikk jeg ikke opp... Mulig forumsoftwaren ikke støtter dette formatet som vedlegg, send gjerne ev. til lygren@avforum.no!

    Eiketreet får jeg tenke litt på ja... Vet ikke om det er plass inni der til at det skal kunne være sannsynlig at Richard gjemte seg som en unge heller... Legger ved noen "DuBois Location Shots", veldig flott sted...

    -img_0537-jpg

    -img_0540-jpg

    -img_0542-jpg

    -img_0544-jpg

    -img_0546-jpg

  14. #34
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    Når det gjelder selve dette "cluet" som skal finnes inne i treet er årsaken til alle disse revideringene at det må være enkelt å forholde seg til samt filme i denne studentfilmen... En dolk kunne jo alltids ha fungert det også, men jeg tror jeg liker bedre den tilknytningen til barndommen, og i praksis er det også litt enklere å få til enn en dolk - TROR jeg... Jeg synes også at selve grunnlaget for denne "markeren" er litt dårligere om jeg legger en kliss ny dolk der (kan sikkert prøve å få den litt "vintage", men ikke veldig enkelt), poenget er jo at markøren skal ha ligget der siden 1399. Nå kunne jo selvsagt dolken ha ligget i en lufttett boks av noe slag da.....

    Sånn i forhold til farens budskap er jeg forsåvidt også enig i at TV-ideen er litt "stutt"... Her er igjen poenget å gjøre det så enkelt som mulig rent teknisk, men blir det for dumt - som jo det kan risikere å bli - funker det jo ikke selvsagt... En PC med passordbeskyttelse er jo absolutt et godt alternativ, trenger ikke å bli så mye vanskeligere rent teknisk heller og er absolutt noe jeg skal ta til vurdering. Videoen kan jo avspilles på samme måte uansett, og da gir det mer sense til det hele. Passordsekvensen kan jo da som du sier brukes som en egen greie tilknyttet historien...

  15. #35
    Grunnlegger lygren sin avatar
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    ...det er ikke for øvrig mulig for deg å lagre Celtex-filen i "Final Draft"-format? Gjør det litt enklere for meg å få den opp, alternativt er jo uansett Celtex gratis, så da får jeg heller laste den ned...

  16. #36
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    ...den barndomsdrømmen... Tenkte litt på denne type "beskjeder" i øvrige filmer, der ofte en ugle vises. Hva med passordet "Owl"? Dette kommer gjerne Richard på etter han prøver diverse, og refererer da til disse drømmene han hadde i barndommen.

    Uglen brukes jo bl.a. i The Fourth Kind - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, og et bilde av en ugle kan "flashes" i det Richard kommer på dette... Det kan gi en litt "uggen" effekt også, samt overraske, trenger litt slike effekter! I tillegg gir det en ekstra dimensjon til filmen.

  17. #37
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    ...tipper et flash av en slik en kan gi enhver et lite støkk...

    -owl-jpg

  18. #38
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    Tittelen er for øvrig "The Find".

  19. #39
    Administrator Ak sin avatar
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av lygren
    ...tipper et flash av en slik en kan gi enhver et lite støkk...

    -owl-jpg
    En ugle....?

  20. #40
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    ...da er manuskriptet oppdatert med PC fremfor TV hvilket blir mye bedre uten tvil, samt noe mer "mat" på slutten. Er fremdeles masse editering igjen selvsagt, men dette går i riktig retning!



    FIRST ACT

    Richard Andrews and his wife Andrea stops the car in front of Richard parents vacation-home in Jupiter. While Richard is carrying out the suitcases from the car, Susan enters the house.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    Richard! Come see!
    Richard hurries over to Susan and enters the house. As he enters, he hears the back door shuts.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Dad! What´s going on?
    Susan returns from the kitchen.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    I don't think your father has been here for a while, Richard. Fridge is empty.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    This is really odd, the burglars even left dads iPad untouched.
    Richard moves in to the family-room / office.
    RICHARD ANDREWS (CONT’D)
    Dad even left the PC, he always brings that along.
    Richard moves over to the PC, moves the cursor, but it is password-protected.
    RICHARD ANDREWS (CONT’D)
    Perhaps I can find some flight-info or something here, but he has password protected it.
    Andrea comes in to the room.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    No idea of what the password may be?
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Let's see. “Richard”?
    Richard types in “Richard” on his fathers computer. Nothing happens.
    RICHARD ANDREWS (CONT’D)
    I guess that would be too easy ... How about “Susan”, mom would like that.
    Richard types “Susan”, but nothing happens.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    How about something in relations to that thing he is always looking for?
    A image of a rather disturbing own is suddenly flashing before Richard (in his mind).
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    I remember some dreams I had when I was a kid my father always paid a lot of attention to.
    Richard types “Owl” and gains access. When he opens the computer, a paused video appears.
    RICHARD ANDREWS (CONT’D)
    Great, although I am not really sure that's the password I would have wanted to figure out ...
    Richard plays the video.
    JEREMY ANDREWS
    Hi son. Sorry to drag you into this. You know I have been looking for that artifact for some time now. Recently I had a breakthrough and had to leave in a hurry. Since I'm not back I guess I may have gotten myself into some trouble.
    Richard plays PAUSE.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    What in the world has that old man gotten himself into now?
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    Just listen to the video, Richard.
    Richard turns the video back on.
    JEREMY ANDREWS
    As I do not want anyone else to find it, I´m only able to leave you a couple of clues I know only you will understand. First, visit the old oak you used to play around. Try imagining yourself as a kid again. Then, visit my old archeological friend.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    This is just our luck. Finally we have some time for ourselves and this happens.
    SUSAN ANDREWS
    Richard, this is really not the time for thinking about us, your father may be in trouble!
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    I guess you're right. I know where he wants me to go, that old oak is just down the road
    Richard and Andrea drives down to the Dubois Pioneer home.

    SECOND ACT

    THE CAMERA SHOOTS TELE SHOTS FROM SEVERAL ANGLES WHILE RICHARD AND HIS WIFE WALKS DOWN TO THE OAK.

    As Richard and Andrea arrives at the tree, Richard starts looking around to see if there is anything of interest there.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    I am really not sure what my dad wanted me to find here. I used to climb this tree all the time, can you help me get up?
    Andre helps Richard up the tree.
    RICHARD ANDREWS (CONT’D)
    This is just stupid. Let's go reporting this to the police instead. Just typical my dad.
    As they are about to leave, Richard turns his sight back one last time.
    RICHARD ANDREWS (CONT’D)
    Wait, I remember something now. I used to be able to hide within this tree and I remember some scrabbling on the wall.
    Richard walks back again and looks down. He uses his iPhone to light up.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    Do you really think some scribblings inside a tree is able to help you find your father? We should go to the police right away.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Let me just get a picture of this, as soon as we have gone to visit Solomon Goldenheim, which is the friend he is referring to, we´ll report everything.
    As Richard and Andrea leaves the place, a black car with darkened windows starts its engine and follows them.

    THIRD ACT

    Richard pulls the car up to a seniors home. Solomon is a elderly man, 75-80 years old, but still looking very sharp and clear.

    ANDREA ANDREWS
    I'll just wait in the car, don't take too long.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    OK, I'll try to be quick.
    Richard knocks on Solomon's door.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Richard, haven't seen you since you were a kid! I was expecting you come by.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    You were? How come?
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    I received your fathers notebook the other day. He seems to have posted it in a hurry from somewhere in Mexico, but the stamp was too faint to see exactly where.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Mexico - what in the world? We were just by my parents house, and someone had broken into the house. He left me a message to go find you.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Please sit down, Richard. I will try to help as much as I am able to.
    Richard and Solomon sits down, Solomon brings a pot of tea and two cups.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM (CONT’D)
    Care for some tea?
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    No, I'm fine.
    Solomon pours the tea in his own cup. Richard directs his attention to a special gold-ring on Solomon's finger when he pours the tea.
    RICHARD ANDREWS (CONT’D)
    That ring seems a bit special.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Yes, is the ordination-ring for the Freemasons. My family has been members for generations.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Now, any idea of where my father may be?
    Solomon walks over to a bookshelf. He removes some of the books and pulls out the notebook.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Besides the stamp, the notebook has some very interesting content.
    Solomon opens the notebook and points out a depiction of a shield with a text within.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM (CONT’D)
    This was the first marker, your father found it in Nova Scotia 20 years ago.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    He has been searching for this more than 20 years?
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    However, what is more interesting is the next page. He seems to has finally found the second marker as well.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    I think I have just seen this marker by the old oak at Dubois, here take a look!
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Your father was always a fox. He left out the text in his notebook, but you seem to have caught it. Can you read it out loud for me?
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    I believe it states something like “I H.S. Left this second marker on the 10. Of October 1399. Next is Cibola.”
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    This is unbelievable. Nobody thought Henry Sinclair would go this far down the coast.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Who is Henry Sinclair?
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    He was an adventurer and Templar Knight, believed to have transported the Templar treasures over the Atlantic following old Viking routes.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    And my father is looking for that treasure?
    Solomon takes a zip from his tea-cup. He turns instantly pale.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Poison! Finally they caught up with me!
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    What! I will go get help!
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    No Richard, it's too late. You need to listen!
    Solomon struggles to utter his final words, Richard moves in close to hear better.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM (CONT’D)
    Your father is actually looking for the Holy Grail which he believes is a ancient, divine crystal that can be used to give people eternal life!
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    But where should I go look for him next?
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM
    Sinclair was actually heading for the mythical golden city of Cibola. I suggest you go to the actual city of Cibola, located in present New Mexico, perhaps you can find something there.
    Solomon draws his final breath.
    SOLOMON GOLDENHEIM (CONT’D)
    Go now, they might be coming for you next!
    Solomon dies and Richard closes his eyes. He leaves the room and walks out to his wife who is coming out from the car.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    What happened? You seem devastated!
    Richard hugs Andrea for some comfort.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Solomon died. He was poisoned! And it's all my fault!
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    What! We need to contact the police at once.
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    I agree. But he seems to be lost in Mexico somewhere, not much the police can do then.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    What do you mean it's your fault?
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    When I was a kid, I made up this story to gain my dads attention ... He was always away!
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    What story?
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    I was having these bad nightmares with a owl appearing, and for some reason I found comfort in making up this epic story, pretending to still be asleep.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    That's why your father has been looking for that thing all this time?
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Yes. I really do not remember all the details, but I do remember telling him something about finding the Grail. I guess I must have had quite the wild imagination back then.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    You still do, although I must admit ... Convincing a grown up man to dedicate his life to finding something at the age of 12 is pretty extraordinary ...
    RICHARD ANDREWS
    Solomon suggested to go look for the next clue in Cibola, a small deserted town in New Mexico.
    ANDREA ANDREWS
    I guess our vacation is done for anyway. Let's go.
    As Richard and Andrea gets into the car and drive off, the same black car starts it's engine and follows them.

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