Morsomme fakta om Chuck Norris

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  1. #1
    Intermediate Marantz sin avatar
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    Morsomme fakta om Chuck Norris

    Denne er obligatorisk om du har sett Walker Texas Ranger! Utrolig morsom side selv om alt bare er tull . Her er siden

  2. #2
    Intermediate santa claus sin avatar
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    Jul 2005
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    Ganske ny side? Sett flere som snakker om denne for tida!

  3. #3
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    I'm aware of the made up declarations about me that have recently begun to appear on the Internet and in emails as "Chuck Norris facts." I've seen some of them. Some are funny. Some are pretty far out. Being more a student of the Wild West than the wild world of the Internet, I'm not quite sure what to make of it. It's quite surprising. I do know that boys will be boys, and I neither take offense nor take these things too seriously. Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts as found in my recent autobiographical book, "Against All Odds?" They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West, "The Justice Riders," released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts.
    ~ Chuck Norris

  4. #4
    Intermediate John P. sin avatar
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    Dette fenomenet begynte med en faktaside om Vin Diesel, så vidt jeg vet, der brukerne kunne skrive inn faktaopplysninger selv, omtrent som en WIKI. Men så begynte det ene usaklige etter det andre å dukke opp, til det ble heeelt villt, men istedenfor å bli slettet etc., ble det veldig populært.

    Jeg så ihvertfall Vin Diesel versjonen lenge før Chuck Norris versjonen kom.

  5. #5
    Newcomer Justin Case sin avatar
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    Det er lett å lage kopier av slike sider. Copy and paste til wordpad, Ctrl-H for å bruke find and replace, erstatt navn og voila:

    Justin Case is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

    There is no chin behind Justin Case' beard. There is only another fist.

    In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Justin Case, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

    The chief export of Justin Case is pain.

    Justin Case is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

    The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Justin Case out. It failed misserably.

    Crop circles are Justin Case' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

    Justin Case once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."

    Justin Case once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

    Justin Case is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

    Justin Case is a man of few words. Justin Case is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

    The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Justin Case's nutsack.

    When observing a Justin Case roundhouse kick in slow motion, one finds that Justin Case actually rapes his victim in the ass, smokes a cigarette with Dennis Leary, and then roundhouse kicks them in the face.

    Justin Case put humpty dumpty back together again, only to roundhouse kick him in the face. Later Justin dined on scrambled eggs with all the king's horses and all the king's men. The king himself could not attend for unspecified reasons. Coincidentally, the autopsoy revealed the cause of death to be a roundhouse kick to the face. There is only one King.

    When Justin Case played golf for money, Justin marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Justin: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Justin Case turned towards the man and said, im Justin Case, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Justin Case, Justin Case roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

    Justin Case made Ellen Degeneres straight.

    Justin Case kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two"

    Justin Case' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord

    Justin Case knows where Carmen Sandiego is.

    Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Justin Case roundhouse kicked him across the face several times

    China was once bordering the United States, until Justin Case roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.

    Justin Case is what Willis was talking about

    If you have five dollars and Justin Case has five dollars, Justin Case has more money than you.

    Justin Case sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Justin Case and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

    When Justin Case had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.

    Justin Case once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

    Justin Case once kicked a baby elephant into puberty

    Multiple people have died from Justin Case giving them the finger.

    Justin Case once tried to wear glasses. The result was him seeing around the world to the point where he was looking at the back of his own head.

    Pee Wee Herman got arrested for masturbating in public. The same day, Justin Case got an award for masturbating in public.

    Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Justin Case. Justin showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

    If Justin Case is late, time better slow the fuck down

    Justin Case sleeps with a night light. Not because Justin Case is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Justin Case

    Justin Case can touch MC Hammer.

    Justin Case ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

    Justin Case always has sex on the first date. Always.

    A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Justin Case and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

    Justin Case frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

    There is no such thing as tornados. Justin Case just hates trailer parks.

    Justin Case never cries, because of this when he's sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse.

    Justin Case does not procreate, he breeds

    When asked what type of vehicle he drives, Justin Case responded slyly with "Don't you mean what kind of vehicle drives me?"

    Justin Case' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Justin with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Justin Case became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk.

    Justin Case doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Justin tells it to.

    Justin Case only masturbates to pictures of Justin Case.

    Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Justin Case brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Justin Case roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Justin giveth, and the good Justin, he taketh away.

    Justin Case was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Justin omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

    Justin Case used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When a director once said he couldn’t, he replied, “Of course I can, I’m Justin Case,” and roundhouse kicked him in the face.

    If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Justin Case.

    When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Justin Case plays dead. When playing dead doesn’t work, he plays zombie.

    Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Justin Case.

    Scientists used to believe that diamond was the world’s hardest substance. But then they met Justin Case, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure, that the scientists turned into artificial Justin Case.

    God offered Justin Case the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

    When Justin Case was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.

    Justin Case drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.

    A duck’s quack does not echo. Justin Case is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

    Justin Case once tried to defeat Garry Kasparov in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Kasparov in the side of the face.

    Justin Case’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.

    Justin Case doesn’t believe in Germany.

    If you want a list of Justin Case’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

    Justin Case has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

    Justin Case doesn’t need to swallow when eating food.

    If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Justin Case.

    Justin Case eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

    Ironically, Justin Case’ hidden talent is invisibility.

    Justin Case owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.

    Justin Case invented water.

    Justin Case invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Justin Case is kicking your ass, don’t be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.

    Justin Case went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Justin Case yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”

    One time while sparring with Wolverine, Justin Case accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.

    Justin Case is Luke Skywalker’s real father.

    Contrary to popular belief, Justin Case, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

    Justin Case does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

    Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Justin Case roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.

    In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Justin Case can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks.

    Justin Case isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit.

    Justin Case doesn’t eat. Rather he kicks ass until he’s full.

    Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Justin Case.

    Justin Case once threated to sue Burger King because they refused to make it his way. When asked what “his way” detailed, he replied: “with barbed wire and nails, of course”. He then roundhouse kicked the reporter for even asking.

    Justin Case never “gets laid”, rather: “laid gets Justin”.

    Playgirl magazine once asked Justin Case to appear naked in an issue, Justin laughed at the opporunity saying “there isn’t enough paper in the world to contain my bearded member”. He then killed the editors simply by unzipping his pants.

    Helen Keller’s favorite color is Justin Case

    Justin Case once walked down the street with a massive erection. There we no survivors.

    When Justin Case’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Justin said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Justin Case.”

    Justin Case doesnt have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

    When you open a can of whoop-ass, Justin Case jumps out.

    On June 7th 1994, Justin Case entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Justin to ravish her. After Justin finished his beer, he obliged her. When Justin's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split
    open by the Justin!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't fucking think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Justin's balls. Justin pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."

    Justin Case can piss into gale force winds.

    There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Justin Case.

    Justin Case won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

    Justin Case once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Justin Case re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was
    a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

    Justin Case got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Justin Case for every answer.

    Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Justin Case to die before they attack.

    Justin Case once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

    After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Justin Case. It was more "humane".

    Justin Case doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.

    Justin Case once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then trank three kegs and shat on their floor, just because he's Justin Case.

    Justin Case found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

    Justin Case doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the shit out of viruses. That's why Justin Case never gets ill.

    Justin Case's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodJustin could Justin if a woodJustin could Justin wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF Justin Case!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Justin!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

  6. #6
    Intermediate Marantz sin avatar
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    Sep 2003
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av Justin Case
    Det er lett å lage kopier av slike sider. Copy and paste til wordpad, Ctrl-H for å bruke find and replace, erstatt navn og voila:
    Du får bare håpe Chuck Norris ikke ser du har rappet faktaene hans, for da vet du hva som venter...... Riktig! Roundhouse Kick to the face:wink:

  7. #7
    Intermediate Kim Olav Svines sin avatar
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    Hmm, Chuck Norris har mer eller mindre blitt en person som ingen tar seriøst lenger, og bare er offer for slibrigheter. Som stor fan av Chuck Norris har jeg vanskelig for å se dette, men jeg skal innrømme at noen var morsomme.

  8. #8
    Active mr.Fahrenheit sin avatar
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    noen? er du gal mann? alle er morsomme!! hehe

    "chuck norris only masturbates to pictures of chuck norris"

  9. #9
    Moderator roffe sin avatar
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    Apr 2003
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    Dette klippet er kanskje det eneste som kan slå sprekker i bildet av Chuck Norris som uovervinnelig... så skal det også sies: Hvem av dem er er i live i dag?

    Når det er sagt: Bruce Lee var den største - så lenge han levde. RIP.

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