Litt humor i hverdagen. - Side 90

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  1. #1781
    Intermediate santa claus sin avatar
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    Nå er eg slettes ikke fan av ville fester til langt på natt i nabolaget...

    Men denne karen tar naboklager litt lenger

    http://pub.tv2.no/multimedia/na/arch...el_612662a.pdf

  2. #1782
    Expert jakv sin avatar
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av santa claus
    Nå er eg slettes ikke fan av ville fester til langt på natt i nabolaget...

    Men denne karen tar naboklager litt lenger

    http://pub.tv2.no/multimedia/na/arch...el_612662a.pdf
    Trivelig kar å ha i nabolaget det der tydeligvis
    Cambridge 752 BD, Yamaha CX-A5000, Hegel H300, DIY 3xL25D, JBL LS80, JBL LS center, Klipsch RS42 MK2,
    DIY 4xDayton Ultimax 15", 2xBehringer iNuke6000DSP, Sony VPL-HW30, Darbee Darblet, Nexus Player, Toshiba HD-DVD, Get Micro,
    Rega Planar 3 m/Elys 2, Rega Fono

    Livet er mer enn en pakke tørre kjeks

  3. #1783
    Moderator Kokken sin avatar
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    Vi snakker alltids om hvor mye luft en subwoofer klarer å flytte, men aldri hvor mye goop...
    Dancing Goop - CollegeHumor video

  4. #1784
    Intermediate PiXeL sin avatar
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av Kokken
    Vi snakker alltids om hvor mye luft en subwoofer klarer å flytte, men aldri hvor mye goop...
    Dancing Goop - CollegeHumor video
    :shock:

    Er er en som åpenbart har spillt litt for mye GTA...
    YouTube - AMAZING POLICE CHASE WITH SEVERAL CRASHES AND SHOTS

  5. #1785
    Intermediate Razortec sin avatar
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    Må le av kampanjen til Spaceworld. Grisepriser, det er ihvertfall svinedyrt

  6. #1786
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  7. #1787
    Newcomer jan arild sin avatar
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    Har dere tenkt over hva dere spiser.

    På syltetøyglasset er det bilde av bær.
    På nugatti er det bilde av nøtter.
    På banos er det bilde av bananer.
    Hva er det bilde av på leverpostei boksen???

    Stabburet - PÃ¥legg

  8. #1788
    Intermediate PiXeL sin avatar
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  9. #1789
    Intermediate PiXeL sin avatar
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av jan arild
    Hva er det bilde av på leverpostei boksen???

    Stabburet - PÃ¥legg
    Det bare avslører den brutale sannheten..

  10. #1790
    Intermediate Starman sin avatar
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    Her er det bare å skru opp volumet og nyte!

    YouTube - Worst Singing Ever, In a Stadium Setting

  11. #1791
    Expert Mr_Spock sin avatar
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    INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER

    Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Tester Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas
    from the East Coast:

    "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a chilli cook-off.
    The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be
    standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon, when
    the call came.
    I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chilli wouldn't
    be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the
    tasting, so I accepted."

    Here are the scorecards from the event:
    __________________________________________________ _

    CHILI # 1 MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

    JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

    FRANK: Holy shit, what the fuck is this stuff?
    You could remove dried paint from your driveway.
    Took me two beers to put the flames out.
    I hope that's the worst one.
    These Texans are crazy.
    __________________________________________________ __

    CHILI # 2 ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

    JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

    FRANK: Keep this out of the reach of children.
    I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain.
    I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre.
    They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

    _________________________________________________

    CHILI # 3 FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chilli! Great kick. Needs more beans.

    JUDGE TWO: A beanless chilli, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

    FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill.
    My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano.
    Everyone knows the routine by now get me more beer before I ignite.
    Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my
    chest.
    I'm getting shit-faced from all the beer.

    __________________________________________________

    CHILI # 4 BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

    JUDGE ONE: Black bean chilli with almost no spice. Disappointing.

    JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other
    mild foods, not much of a chilli.

    FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it,
    is it possible to burnout taste buds?
    Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb bitch
    is starting to look HOT just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chilli an
    aphrodisiac?
    _________________________________________________

    CHILI # 5 LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

    JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chilli. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
    considerable kick. Very Impressive.

    JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the
    cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

    FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer
    focus my eyes.
    I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics.
    The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me
    brain damage.
    Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a
    pitcher.
    I wonder if I'm burning my lips off?
    It really pissed me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw
    those rednecks!

    __________________________________________________

    CHILI # 6 VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

    JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chilli. Good balance of spice and
    peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

    FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric
    flames.
    I shit myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair.
    No one seems inclined to stand behind me except Sally.
    Can't feel my lips anymore.
    I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!

    __________________________________________________

    CHILI # 7 SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI

    JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chilli with too much reliance on canned peppers.

    JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli
    peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge
    Number 3, He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

    FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a
    fucking thing.
    I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing
    water.
    My shirt is covered with chilli, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth.
    My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my fuckin shirt.
    At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me.
    I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful.
    Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway.
    If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
    Yamaha CX-A5100 & RX-A1030 . Vincent SP-993 . Rotel RMB-1565 . Anti-Mode 8033 Cinema
    Atmos 7.1.4 . Infinity Kappa 600, Kappa Center, Kappa 200, Kappa Surround, Kappa Sub
    Epson EH-TW2900 . Dreamscreen V2 DynaGrey 106" . DarbeeVision Darblet

  12. #1792
    Expert RoKo sin avatar
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    Denne chilidommer-saken ligger allerede i innlegg 1779:
    http://avforum.no/forum/generell-chi...tml#post952306

  13. #1793
    Expert Mr_Spock sin avatar
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    Sorry - my bad
    Yamaha CX-A5100 & RX-A1030 . Vincent SP-993 . Rotel RMB-1565 . Anti-Mode 8033 Cinema
    Atmos 7.1.4 . Infinity Kappa 600, Kappa Center, Kappa 200, Kappa Surround, Kappa Sub
    Epson EH-TW2900 . Dreamscreen V2 DynaGrey 106" . DarbeeVision Darblet

  14. #1794
    Intermediate Starman sin avatar
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    Morsomme sitater fra Amerikanske rettsaler

    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan!
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
    WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    ATTOR NEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
    ________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you kidding' me?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting' laid!
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None .
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Guess.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
    ______________________________________
    And the best for last:
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


  15. #1795
    Expert BGuarden sin avatar
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av santa claus
    Nå er eg slettes ikke fan av ville fester til langt på natt i nabolaget...

    Men denne karen tar naboklager litt lenger

    http://pub.tv2.no/multimedia/na/arch...el_612662a.pdf
    Ja det siste "N.B" var jo helt vilt da

  16. #1796
    Intermediate Razortec sin avatar
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av santa claus
    Nå er eg slettes ikke fan av ville fester til langt på natt i nabolaget...

    Men denne karen tar naboklager litt lenger

    http://pub.tv2.no/multimedia/na/arch...el_612662a.pdf

    Er så utrolig glad jeg bor i enebolig Kan ha så mange fester jeg vil, spille så høyt som anlegget greier uten at noen bryr seg


  17. #1797
    Intermediate Razortec sin avatar
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  18. #1798
    Active kjetilae sin avatar
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    En ung gutt fra en by i Nordnorge flyttet til Oslo og gikk til ett
    stort kjøpesenter for å søke jobb.
    Sjefen for kjøpesenteret spurte: "Har du noe selgererfaring?"
    Gutten svarte: "Nåååå, jooo, har jo jobbet som selger hjemme i bygda."
    Ettersom sjefen syntes gutten virket trivelig og frampå, bestemte han
    seg for å ansette ham.
    "Du kan begynne i morgen tidlig" sa han til gutten. "Jeg kommer ned
    etter vi har stengt i morgen kveld og ser hvordan du har hatt det på
    din første dag på jobb."

    Gutten hadde en tung dag, men til slutt var den ferdig. Etter
    stengetid kom så sjefen ned som han hadde lovet dagen før. "Hvor mange
    salg gjorde du i dag?" Spurte sjefen. Gutten svarte: "Ett."
    Da ble sjefen litt forundret og sa "Bare ett!? Våre selgere bruker
    normalt å gjøre mellom 20 og 30 salg på en dag. Hvor mye penger var det
    snakk om?" Gutten svarte: "1 911 138 kr. "Sjefen ble svært overrasket og
    sa: "1 911 138 kr!!! Hva solgte du ham?"
    Gutten svarte: "Først solgte jeg en liten fiskekrok. Så solgte jeg en
    mellomstor fiskekrok. Deretter solgte jeg en stor fiskekrok. Siden ble
    det fiskesnøre. Da jeg spurte hvor han skulle fiske, svarte han at han
    skulle dra ned til kysten. Da sa jeg at han kunne trenge en båt, så vi
    gikk ned til båtavdelingen. Der solgte jeg ham den store Baylineren
    med doble motorer. Deretter viste det seg at hans lille Honda Civic
    ikke kunne dra den store båten, så jeg tok ham med til bilavdelingen og
    solgte ham en Chevrolet Tahoe 4-hjulstrekker og en ny båthenger.
    "Sjefen, som nå var i sjokktilstand sa... "Så du mener altså at en
    mann kom inn for å kjøpe en fiskekrok og du klarte å selge han en båt
    og en bil????"
    Da svarte gutten glatt: "Nei, nei! Han kom inn og skulle kjøpe tamponger
    til sin kone, og da sa jeg at han like gjerne kunne dra og fiske,
    ettersom helgen allikevel var ødelagt!"

  19. #1799
    Expert teddytusen sin avatar
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    Jeg HATER mobilversjoner av nettsider...

  20. #1800
    Active kjetilae sin avatar
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av santa claus
    Nå er eg slettes ikke fan av ville fester til langt på natt i nabolaget...

    Men denne karen tar naboklager litt lenger

    http://pub.tv2.no/multimedia/na/arch...el_612662a.pdf
    hva er vitsen å ha en plass å bo hvis en ikke kan høre på musikk som en vil? jeg bor selv i blokk, og det ser ikke ut at noen her bryr seg, spurte nærmeste nabo, svare var at hu hadde vært ung hu og, så gikk greit! hu skulle si fra hvis det blei for ille! har ikke hørt noe! digg!! :-D

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