Litt humor i hverdagen. - Side 40

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  1. #781
    Intermediate dvdjan sin avatar
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av Crowly
    Regner med at de er funnet her: http://www.amazingjokes.com/
    selv om noen sikkert tenker på en side som begynner på t og slutter på hehun :roll:
    ops: NOOOOOOOOOOO Not Me ops:

  2. #782
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av dvdjan
    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av Crowly
    Regner med at de er funnet her: http://www.amazingjokes.com/
    selv om noen sikkert tenker på en side som begynner på t og slutter på hehun :roll:
    ops: NOOOOOOOOOOO Not Me ops:
    Sikkert ikke!

  3. #783
    Intermediate Jan A M sin avatar
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    ALLE som hve hvilken side vitsene kommer fra kan vel føle seg litt skyldige. :lol:

  4. #784
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av Jan A M
    ALLE som hve hvilken side vitsene kommer fra kan vel føle seg litt skyldige. :lol:
    Hva er det du snakker om nå?

  5. #785
    Intermediate Jan A M sin avatar
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av kenti
    Hva er det du snakker om nå?
    ... bare glem hele greia, det er bare teit... :wink:

  6. #786
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    Tenkte jeg skulle legge ut noen bilder av familien min.

    http://www.ebaumsworld.com/family.html

  7. #787
    Intermediate Jan A M sin avatar
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av kenti
    Tenkte jeg skulle legge ut noen bilder av familien min.

    http://www.ebaumsworld.com/family.html
    huffameg... eh.. fin familie... eh... :lol:

  8. #788
    Moderator Kokken sin avatar
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    Her er bilde av noen som skulle hjem med materialer for den nye selvbygger-sub'en:


    Teksten som fulgte bildet:
    The stupidity of some people in this world never fails to
    amaze me. This picture is real - not doctored in anyway - and was taken last
    week in Waldorf by a Transportation Supervisor for a company that delivers
    building materials for 84 Lumber. When he saw it there in the parking lot
    of IHOP, he went and bought a camera to take pictures. The car is
    still running as can be witnessed by the exhaust. A woman is either asleep
    or otherwise out in the front seat passenger side. The guy driving it
    was over jogging up and down on Rt. 925 in the background. The witnesses
    said their physical state was OTHER than normal and the police just shook
    their heads in amazement. The driver finally came back after the police were
    there and was getting down at the back to cut the 'twine around the load.
    They told him to get back until it was taken off.
    The materials were loaded at Home Depot. Their store manager
    said they had the customer sign a waiver! Both back tires are trashed.
    The back shocks were driven up through the floorboard. In the back seat
    are 10 bags, 80 lbs. each of concrete. On the roof are many 2X4s, 4X4s and OSL sheets
    of lumber. They estimated the load weight at 3000 lbs. The car is a
    VW Jetta with FL plates and the guy said he was headed for Annapolis.

  9. #789
    Intermediate Magnera sin avatar
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    hehehe :lol: Alt er pakket og klart! :lol:

  10. #790
    Intermediate polkalizer sin avatar
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av kenti
    Tenkte jeg skulle legge ut noen bilder av familien min.

    http://www.ebaumsworld.com/family.html
    Hvis du synes dette var gode greier anbefaler jeg på det sterkeste filmen "napoleon dynamite".

  11. #791
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    Litt mer fra luftfartsverdenen:

    It's good to know that some pilots have a sense of humour. Here are some conversations that airline passengers normally don't hear. The following are actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world:

    *******************
    While taxiing at London Gatwick, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 767.

    An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between Cs and Ds, but get it right!"

    Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

    "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.

    Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGW was running high.

    Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked: "Wasn't I married to you once?"

    ***********************
    A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high.

    San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."

    ***************
    Unknown aircraft: "I'm bored!"

    Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

    Unknown aircraft: "I said I was bored, not stupid!"

    *****************
    Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7"

    Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way, after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal at the end of the runway."

    Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?"

    Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and have already notified our caterers...."

    ****************
    The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206".

    Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.

    "Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."

    "The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

    Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

    Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

    Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"

    Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but it was dark and I didn't stop."

    ****************
    O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker; one o'clock, three miles, eastbound."

    United 239: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this... I've got the little Fokker in sight."
    Siste med Fokkeren har en paralell til Kristiansand. Har hørt den fra flere men kan ikke bekrefte den. Flygeleder (som ikke var helt stødig i engelsk!) hadde sagt noe slikt over radioen da han visuelt skulle se etter en Fokker 50:
    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av Kjevik
    Now I can see the Fokker, it's like a prikk in the horizon

  12. #792
    Active Tomtom sin avatar
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    Et par til:
    A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked: "What was your last known position?" Student: "When I was number one for take-off."
    ATC: "Clipper 123, what's the turbulence like at your level?"
    Clipper 123: "Well...how shall I put it? The captain's just stuck his fork up his nose."
    ATC: "TWA 789, what's the turbulence like at your level?"
    TWA 789: "I don't know, we haven't eaten yet."

  13. #793
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    Dilbert har mye som er verd å lese. Det sies at når det gjelder Dilbert, finnes det to typer firmaer: De som allerede kjenner seg igjen og de som ikke ennå har oppdaget det.

    A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were
    looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life
    Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submissions:

    1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the
    building using individual security cards. Pictures will be
    taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards
    in two weeks. (This was the winning entry; Fred Dales at
    Microsoft Corporation )

    2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will
    encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

    3. How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff?
    (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS Development team)

    4. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It
    should be used only for company business. (Accounting Mgr.,
    Electric Boat Company)

    5. This project is so important, we can't let things that are
    more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS)

    6. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No
    one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
    working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and
    I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.(R&D Supervisor,
    Minnesota Mining & Manufacturing /3M Corp.)

    7. My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal
    that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was
    damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was
    write-protected. (CIO of Dell Computers)

    8. Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what
    'I' say." (Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)

    9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
    When I told my boss, he said she died so that I would have to
    miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we
    could change her burial to Friday. He said,"That would be better
    for me." (Shipping Executive, FTD Florists)

    10. We know that communication is a problem, but the company is
    not going to discuss it with the employees. (AT&T Lone Lines
    Division)

    11. We recently received a memo from senior management saying,
    This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding
    the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

    12. One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him
    concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow
    would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would
    have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New Business Mgr.,
    Hallmark Cards)

    13. As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo
    reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the
    body of the memo one of the sentences mentioned the "pedagogical
    approach" used by one of the training manuals. The day after I
    routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called into
    the HR Director's office, and was told that the executive VP
    wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was
    told that she wouldn't stand for "perverts" (pedophiles?) working
    in her company. Finally he showed me her copy of the memo, with
    her demand that I be fired, with the word "pedagogical" circled
    in red. The HR Manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked
    the word up in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition
    to send to my boss, he told me not to worry. He would take care
    of it. Two days later a memo to the entire staff came out, directing
    us that no words which could not be found in the local Sunday
    newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned.
    In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation letter by
    pasting words together from the Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation)

  14. #794
    Intermediate dvdjan sin avatar
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  15. #795
    Intermediate Electra sin avatar
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    http://www.carfairies.com/.

    Er det nokon som kan fortelje meg korleis "DEI" ser ut? :wink:

  16. #796
    Moderator Kokken sin avatar
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av Electra
    http://www.carfairies.com/.

    Er det nokon som kan fortelje meg korleis "DEI" ser ut? :wink:
    Curse You!!! Synet av de første Fairies har forevig brent seg inn. Nå måtte jeg bare smelle til skikkelig for å motvirke dette grusomme synet, og vips, hva skuet mine tårevåte: To store og sprettne hjertevarmere kom frem.

  17. #797
    Intermediate Burre sin avatar
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    hehe, måtte spille det bare for å skjønne bæra av hva du snakket om ... :lol:

  18. #798
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av Burre
    hehe, måtte spille det bare for å skjønne bæra av hva du snakket om ... :lol:
    Jeg og! Måtte to forsøk til

  19. #799
    Expert akto sin avatar
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    Sjekk denne. Her hadde det gjort seg med en lastskille-bryter...

    http://www.big-boys.com/articles/powerwire.html

  20. #800
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    Sitat Opprinnelig postet av akto
    Sjekk denne. Her hadde det gjort seg med en lastskille-bryter...

    http://www.big-boys.com/articles/powerwire.html
    Dæsken, stilig!

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